Blood is thicker than water

My dad’s side of the family is super close.
My dad has two siblings – one brother and one sister. They are both married and have 3 kids. 5 of those 6 kids are married. 2 of those kids have 3 kids, the other 3 kids have 2 kids. I have one sister, who has a fiance. I have a big family. We are also a very close family. 5 of us live within walking distance of each other. We get together for every holiday, every occasion, and sometimes we get together just because. I’m the youngest of my cousins, and I used to love the attention I got. When I was really young everybody wanted to include me because I was the youngest, then as we all got older I was included less because I was still young. At family get togethers I wouldn’t understand what everybody was talking about. Then my cousins started getting married and having kids, so all the discussion was based on weddings and baby diapers. This has continued for some time now. It’s almost inevitable that I’m the one left out for the longest amount of time. I still love my family. They are so unbelievably supportive of me and everything I do. They will always be there for me. I am so grateful that I have such amazing examples of what life has to offer me. However – I don’t feel as family oriented anymore.

My mom’s side of the family is all over the map and barely speaks to each other. They aren’t mad at each other or anything, they just aren’t the family type. One of my mom’s sisters even lives in town and we never see her. My sister isn’t even inviting some of my mom’s family to the wedding (not to be a rude, that’s just how little we see them).

I feel a tug between which kind of family I want. I feel ashamed that I’m even writing that sentence. Having a close family is amazing, and I appreciate them and love them very much – but what’s so wrong with only seeing your family every once in awhile?

I think most of that happened when I moved away for school. I didn’t get to see my family all the time. I almost forgot what it was like. I didn’t have the choice to see them, I had to make my own way and make my own home away from home. It also became very apparent that my family wasn’t the norm. There are plenty of family’s that don’t see each other often and don’t even spend the holidays together. Regardless of how often I see my family I’m still going to drop everything if they need me. I’m still going to periodically reach out and make sure they know how much I care.

I’m curious about this now because in the next few years (hopefully) I’ll be starting my own family. I’ll be getting married, and having kids. What kind of family do I want to start? Do I want my kids to be on the same soccer team as their cousins? go to the same school as them? Have sunday dinner’s with the grandparents? Send school photos in gift cards to family members?

I’m not sure.

I feel like this is coming off the wrong way, but I don’t want it to. I will say again – I love my family. I appreciate them. I would do anything for them. But should I feel bad because I don’t want to include them so much, or start my own path that doesn’t always lead back to them?

What do you think?

 

xoxo

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