There are no excuses.

I’m not even going to make up an excuse, because I don’t have one.
Welcome to my life. I put everything off for as long as I can. Is there a cure? Maybe. Am I going to figure out what that is? Probably not. Just being honest.

Here’s a wonderful thing I’ve discovered, however. I am going to start a real, legit blog!  I know you’re probably reading this thinking “you can’t even keep up with your FREE blog and now you’re going to get a LEGIT blog. You crazy!”
I am, in fact, crazy.

I want to write. I grew up writing all the time. I wrote poems, song lyrics for friends, short stories…and I loved it. I loved it so much I decided to go to school for Professional Writing. A part of me died those 4 years – sad, but true. A lot happened over those 4 years. So many things changed and I had opportunities I was too afraid to take. Those years should have been some of the best in my life, but I barely remember them at all.

I need to get back into writing. It’s hard and I’m scared.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret that not many people know about me, but if they took the time could probably figure it out really easily – I’M SCARED OF EVERYTHING!
Life, in general, scares the crap out of me. What if I make a mistake? What if I only have one chance and I blow it? What if I say this but really should have said this other thing instead? What if I move away but then end up going broke? What if I don’t get married and never have kids and I’m alone forever? What if I get married and have kids and I hate my life? AHHHHHH!!! Make it stop. Seriously. I’m not making any decisions or taking any chances. Ever.

Rest assured, this is something I’m actively working on. I’m trying as much as my will allows me to stop laying down and playing dead when I get scared about life’s decisions. Don’t ask me to decide where we’re going on our first date or what color I want to dye my hair – seriously – it freaks me out to decide things. I don’t want to get it “wrong”. I find it very important to put the word “wrong” in quotations like that because, honestly, who the hell decides what’s right and wrong? if I make a decision that doesn’t turn out that great then guess what? I’m not going to die. It’s not going to ruin my life. I simply won’t allow it.

All of that rambling just to say this – I’m starting a legit blog because I love writing and I want to do it for the rest of my life and I hate having a job where I don’t get to do that so I need to start branching out and not being a coward and actually doing things that will better my life and make me happy and not worrying about the possible negative outcomes. BAM.

Once a get the other blog started I will put the link here for any of you that are interested in still reading my stuff (yes, I will actually post stuff!!!!!).

Breathe in. Exhale. Repeat.

I am the worst.

I really am the worst.

I said I would blog and I haven’t. In all fairness, my life has been a bit crazy lately. Of course I’m over exaggerating a bit – but let me explain.

I’m single. That rocked my world to the core. It changed who I was, for the better. I’m a totally different person. I was miserable for way too long with no acceptable excuse for it. I will never be like that again. I’m not going to get into too much detail about it, at least not right now, but I had fallen into a huge hole (not just because of the breakup), and I am currently climbing out of it. Starting to write in this blog again is one way of me bouncing back. Hopefully better than before.

I bought a new laptop. I can’t wait until it shows up on my door. It’s a Dell XPS 13. I’m hoping this will give me the extra boost I need to be more active in the writing world. I’m going to be one of those writers that drink too much caffeine and spend their Friday nights at local places with free wifi. I’M SO EXCITED!!!

I need to make a list of all the things I’m going to do differently now. I’m one of those anal people that needs to PLAN EVERYTHING. I’m also one of those people that doesn’t commit to things she starts. Ooops. Let’s have faith in me this time, shall we?

xoxo

Silly Girl

It’s October!
October is my favorite month. It’s my birthday, the weather is getting nice and crisp, the leaves are changing colors, it’s time to start making stew and chilli – EXCELLENT! I LOVE AUTUMN! I LOVE OCTOBER!

Here are a few things I have planned for my October:

I celebrated my 27th day of birth. It was scary. I hate getting older. I always get the feeling I’m not on track with my life. I found a quote online recently that has started to change my mind
“Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.”  I LOVE IT. It is straight to the point and makes so much sense. ONWARD WE GO!

I celebrated Thanksgiving, with 2 thanksgiving dinners. They were both very yummy. Chris and I went to his parents house first, and then we swung by my cousins for our HUGE family dinner, where we ate our dessert. My family and Chris’ family are totally different. His extended family doesn’t get together very often, whereas my extended family (on my dad’s side) get together all the time – the majority of us even live within walking distance of each other. Chris’ parents told us dinner would be at 5:00pm, so we took the dogs to the dog park for a bit first so they wouldn’t be as excited during dinner (that didn’t happen), and we got to his parents house at 5:09pm – everybody has already ate dinner. Without us. I thought the point of having a family thanksgiving dinner was so we could have a FAMILY THANKSGIVING DINNER!! Oh well. It’s just how his family operates. It’s a shame though because it makes me feel less inclined to want to want to communicate with them, or get together with them when they don’t even want to be “together” with the family. Strange. My family dinner’s are scheduled for 5:30pm and we wait until 6:30pm for everybody to get there so we can eat. To each their own.

I’ve decided to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. I am super excited and super scared. I’m trying to come up with a plot, which has never been my strong suit. We’ll see how it goes this year. I hope to finish the 50,000 words. That means I need to make a plan of action!! I need to determine how many hours a day I’m going to write for a WRITE FOR THOSE HOURS. I must learn to follow through.

I’ve started writing in a food/exercise journal (read: I bought a journal designated to writing about food/exercise). I need to commit to losing weight and being more healthy. I’ve had enough of this self loathing garbage. It’s time to love my body again, which means treating it well! I’m going to start doing weekly weigh-in’s on this blog, because how else am I supposed to be accountable? Once again, I must learn to follow through.

I have my Halloween costume 🙂 I am going to be a vampire and Chris is going to be a zombie. We are going to be a bloody mess together – YAY! A friend of ours is having a Halloween party on the 31st and then we are going to a Halloween Shag (most people call them stag and doe’s – I think…) on November 1st, which is Halloween themed of course. It’s going to be super fun. Chris and I were going to host our own Halloween party, but decided against it, since there would only be about 5 people in attendance ( we are loners…)

That is pretty much all the randomness in my life right now.
xxx

Just the worst.

Ooops.

I’m one of those people that has a hard time finishing what they start – blogging for example?
I’ve already tried to write this post several times, and decided it wasn’t good enough, or I was bored with it.

I have a problem.

This is something that effects many different aspects of my life – work, friendships, relationships, my health, etc. It needs to end. Usually I’d make a grand statement about how it will end NOW damnit! But as you can probably guess, from what I just said – I’m a huge failure at following through. I’d like to say I’m slowly getting better.

I look at those people in life who have actually accomplished something they’ve set their mind to and I’m envious. They seem so happy, and so fulfilled. I know that I’m the only reason why I don’t finish what I start, so there is nobody to blame and there is no room for self pity. I think a solution to my issue could be rather then thinking about how boring, or how much work continuing to do something is going to be I should focus on the negative aspects of not finishing it.
For example, if I don’t keep taking my daily vitamin then I’ll continue to be tired and sluggish from not getting the nutrients I need. BAM! Argument well made. Here’s hoping it works.

I’m the kind of person that loves to plan things. I love writing things down on a to do list, but do you think I do them? NO. I’m content with the feeling of having good intentions. It’s kind of exhausting and getting to the point where I’m just disappointed in myself and unmotivated to do anything because I know I won’t finish it.

I’ve started this ‘100 happy days’ task on my Facebook page – every day, for 100 days, I post something that makes me happy! I’m half way through and I haven’t missed a day yet (except when I didn’t have cell service or computer access). I feel pretty accomplished so far, and can’t wait to get to day 100!

Baby steps I suppose…

. TGIF

It’s FRIDAY!!! Sweet success! I made it through another week. These weeks coming up are going to be cray-cray!

I’m a bit hung over at work today, not going to lie hehe. I had a Partylite Party at my house last night. Lots of my family showed up, so it was really great. It was my first official “party” since becoming a consultant in November. I had a book party in December, but that doesn’t really count as a “party”. It’s a lot more fun then I thought it would be. I guess you just need the right crowd though. I’m really glad I decided to become a Partylite Consultant. It’s slow going at first, especially since I have a full time job, but I know that if I put more effort into it I’ll get more out of it. It was really effortless to start, and I don’t know what I was so worried about. I guess I just had this fear that I would be risking something, which I wasn’t. It didn’t even cost me anything to start up! My unit leader is super amazing too. I think it’ll be nice to get more successful at it (once I find more candle lovers) and then I can make it a bigger part of my career! I know lots of people who say the products are expensive and blah blah – but in all honesty, they go on sale ALL THE TIME!!! They are also better quality, which is what people want.

Independent Sales jobs have really taken off lately. I feel like every other person I know is selling something independently, or working online. It’s so convenient to be able to stay at your house and earn money! I’m not sure if it’s become so popular because people need more money for the things that they need/want, or if people are just getting too lazy to work outside of their homes.

I can hear the pile of paperwork on my desk calling my name…only 4 more hours until the weekend officially begins for me!!!

Crayons & Colouring Books

Being an adult sucks sometimes.
Don’t get me wrong, I like working hard for what I have, and living on my own (I will be again soon anyways), and going grocery shopping, and work is awesome sometimes…but there are times when I just want to scream, and then go in the corner and play with Barbie’s.
There never seems to be enough money to go around. There’s money for rent, groceries, utilities, entertainment, gifts, medical expenses, donations, savings, etc … it never ends! It always seems to come at once too. My boyfriend and I found an apartment we want to rent, so we need to buy a couch, and a washer and dryer. I’m also in my sister’s wedding, so I need to pay for my bridesmaid dress. I got a new prescription for my glasses, so I need to buy those. Argh!
Don’t even get me started on the panic that starts to set in when you’re not married or planning on having kids soon. I was the type of teenager who planned my future (BIG mistake). I wanted to be married by the time I was 20(ish) and have babies by the time I was 25. Then I turned 22 and wasn’t close, so I changed it married by 25 and kids by 28. Now I’m 26 and starting to panic. I know people tell me all the time that I’m still young and I have my whole life ahead of me still, and I should travel and be worry free for as long as I can – but I’m one of those ladies that was meant to be a mom. I want kids. I want lots of kids. I want to be a mom. I feel like I had such amazing examples of what parents should be and now I want to be that. I spent so much time with my Nonna when I was younger and I saw how much she loved her kids and grandkids and I want that for myself. I don’t want to wait until I’m 35 to have kids and then only be able to have 1 or 2. I want the sky to be the limit. I want to fill my life with love.
I know, I know …. slow the hell down.
I’m starting to learn to have patience. I’m taking steps day by day to make sure I don’t rush things because if it wasn’t mean to be it’ll just backfire in my face anyways and that will be horrible. My boyfriend and I have talked about potentially being together “forever” and if we both wanted to get married and have children. We seem to be on the same page, but he likes to worry and doubt his feelings, whereas I just take a leap of faith. I can’t push him to do things he’s not ready for, but he can’t also expect me to wait forever, right? It’s just a hard debate.
All in good time ….

Image

Oh, Monday – you wonderful thing!

It’s really hard to type on an iPad while your laying down. Laziness FAIL.

I kind of miss when Sunday was a hangover day and I just got to stay in bed all day drinking Gatorade and dreaming of McDonald’s cheeseburgers. At least that way I was well rested for Monday morning. Now it just kind of hits me in the face. Being an adult sucks. Having actual stuff to do on Sunday is no fun at all.

Today went by pretty quickly actually. I had a busy morning with a press conference and a Board meeting. I’m also preparing for an event, so I have more than enough work on my plate. I’m such a procrastinator though. I work well under pressure. I’ve always been that way. I envy people that get there things done on time. I always say I don’t have enough “time” to get things done – like I don’t have enough time to read for pleasure, or I don’t have enough time to exercise, or I don’t have enough time to work on my writing. When do these excuses stop? I need to actively change these negative thoughts into positive ones. I need to make time and make what I really want a priority. It is true though that there aren’t enough hours in the day. I wish I didn’t have to sleep as much as I do. I’m one of the most exhausted people I’ve ever met. I just need a lot of sleep. Some people can function on 6 hours of sleep, or 7, but I need 10 hours to feel well rested. It’s probably because I don’t get enough vitamins. I used to think it was because I was lazy, but even when I was exercising 5 or 6 days a week I was still exhausted.

I need to start exercising more. It’s so difficult to make it a habit once you’ve stopped. It used to just be neither part of my day, like brushing my teeth, but now it feels more like going to the dentist. Ugh. I’ve started to hate cardio. I guess I’m just referring to the elliptical, rowing machine, or stair master type of cardio. It’s just so boring. Even if I have music, or something to entertain me, I’m just waiting for it to be over. I’m starting couch 2 5k soon. Intervals are more entertaining for me, so hopefully that works. Running was what I did last time when I lost a bunch of weight, so hopefully I’ll have the same success.

I just made about 15 typing errors on this stupid thing. I give up. Somebody get me a Microsoft surface.

xoxo

1st post – drum roll please ….

Day #1 of my blogging adventure begins.
Actually, if we’re being technical, Day #1 would have been when I signed up – which was a random thought at 1 am. Nevertheless, this is DAY #1

I feel like it’s important to say, no matter what posts after this say – I am happy. I am very happy actually. I am a 26 year old, happy, somewhat successful, have no real plan for the future, girl. Yippee!! I deserve to give myself a big pat on the back for who I am today. I have recovered from hitting rock bottom. I am very grateful for everything in my life and everyone that surrounds me.

With that being said … I still have my moments. I still get scared my life is never going to start in the direction I want it to. Big deal. It happens to the best of us. I just gotta keep on going. Yippee again!

Over the past few months so many things have been changing for me – I met an amazing guy that makes my heart melt, got a new job that could very well turn into a career (and started to be an independent consultant on the side), I mended an old friendship, moved twice & planning another move in three weeks … I’ve been busy.

This is a start of a wonderful thing. I can feel it! =)