nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels.

This is a crock.

I am beginning to get frustrated at the absurd amount of skinny love that is going around. Since when did everyone want to be so skinny? What happened to being healthy, and getting the right amount of vitamins and nutrients from your food, getting off your ass for an hour a day doing something you enjoy?
I find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. I blame society and the media for this. I want to be healthy. I want to feel energized everyday. I don’t want my stomach to hate the things I eat because they are filled with preservatives. If that means I stay at the weight I’m at now, then that should be fine with me – but I am brainwashed. I see pictures of skinny girls everywhere I go. I walk into a store and have to rummage to the very back to find my size of pants. I feel shamed for this.
There should be an obvious difference between being healthy and being skinny. I see people everyday who are “overweight”, eating healthy meals and walking instead of taking the stairs, drinking water instead of pop, turning down that piece of cake at work, etc. but people still deem them as “ugly” or “unhealthy” because they aren’t skinny. Some people just don’t want to eat celery for every meal and sweat like a freak of nature every night, but that doesn’t make them “unhealthy”.
I exercised with a trainer for about a year. I lost 30 pounds and I felt awesome. I also wasn’t very social at the time. Then I moved in with a friend, started dating, and dancing the night away – I gained it all back. I hated myself for a long time, because I was shamed into thinking that because I wasn’t skinny anymore I wasn’t healthy, or I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t love my body the way it was because society didn’t love my body. I also know I wasn’t giving enough time to my health and fitness, which is why I gained all the weight back. I know if I still choose to eat a salad (which I do enjoy because you can make really delicious ones), or ran on the treadmill every few days, I still would have gained some of that weight back, but not all of it. I’m never going to be skinny, and I shouldn’t want to be. I should want to be healthy. I should love my body every single day of my life, no matter what it looks like. As long as I’m not filling it with garbage and neglecting it, that should be all I ask for. It takes a lot of time and a lot of energy to be one of those skinny girls. The requirements don’t fit everyone’s schedules or lifestyles. I have a job, a dog, a boyfriend, another job, hobbies, etc. I want to spend time doing all of these things. If that means I can’t spend 2 hours at the gym (15 minutes going there, 15 minutes getting ready, 45 minutes exercising, 15 minutes showering, 15 minutes getting ready, 15 minutes driving home), then why do I have to feel so bad about this? Why do I have such an urge to look the way society wants me to look? This is bullsh*t!
I wish things weren’t so opposite. I wish when I logged onto Pintrest and I search under Health & Fitness that I’m not bombarded with images of tiny girls. I wish I didn’t have to leave the mall feeling upset because sizes are getting so much smaller, and nobody feels good about having to buy the next size up.

In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment”

If you’re waiting for a sign…

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I don’t know about you, but I’m one of those people that waits for a sign. I have no idea what that sign really is, but when it happens, I’ll just know. I’m like this when it comes to everything – relationships, work, health and fitness, spending money. My boyfriend actually finds it pretty amusing that when we go shopping, if I see something that I like and it’s the last one left I have to get it because it’s a sign.
On one hand, it’s nice to believe in something. It’s nice to have imaged that if it was meant to be, it would be obvious, and something would point you in that direction. On the other hand – you’re left waiting when you should have just took a chance. If you want something, go after it. If you are waiting to make a decision until you see a sign, then this is it! Put your big girl pants on and GET IT DONE!
Sometimes it’s hard to do things just because you want to. I have spent countless hours over analyzing things because I wanted to see something to give me permission to do something. Where did that whole idea come from anyways? Since when do we feel like we need permission for anything? I should do what I do because I want to, and of course because it wouldn’t harm anyone else directly (I’m not an ass). I hereby give myself permission to do what I want without a sign. No more guilt, no more shame, no more waiting.