Well, well, here I am – turning into one of those weight loss bloggers.
It has come to my attention that I am “over-weight”. Boo. This is all according to my scale of course. I on the other hand, think I look fantastic. I guess loosing some pounds wouldn’t be such a bad idea though.
I’m not too sure how it happened, but it’s as if I went to sleep and woke up 30 pounds heavier then what I want to be. I say want because I was at this “dream weight” a few years ago when I was exercising and eating healthy and I felt damn good about myself. I will also note that this want weight is 20 pounds heavier then my that would be AMAZINGGGG weight. I’m being realistic here people, and I know the weight my body feels good at and don’t think I would look appealing at all being any less than my want weight.
I’ve been working on returning to my healthy ways over the past month, with little success. I have been able to commit to a workout schedule though, which I am very excited about. My boyfriend and I started doing Focus T25. We both really enjoy it so far. I think I need to add more cardio to my workout schedule though. For me, it’s really difficult to loose weight. I really need to make my body as uncomfortable as possible for it to stay the weight that it is. What I mean by that is I can’t just do a little exercise and cut out pop and chips. I have to shack things up and sweat a lot, and eat lots of greens!!
This is going to be difficult, but it’s going to be worth it.
I might as well start off on the embarrassing note of my weigh in this morning. Ugh. This morning I weighed in at 175 pounds *sigh*
My boyfriend and I recently got a new puppy – her name is Keesha and she is adorable! She is a husky/german shepherd mix. My other dog, Tucker (a 3 year old Yorkie) hates her. Hate might be a strong word to use here. Tucker has some issues with fear aggression, which have become more obvious now that we brought a new dog into the house. My boyfriend and I intended to take the greeting slowly, but things seemed to be going well, so we threw caution to the wind (BAD IDEA) and Keesha, being a puppy and all, wanted to play with Tucker. Tucker is 7 pounds, and Keesha is… well, bigger. This freaked Tucker out obviously and he became to growl, show his teeth, and nip. This is semi-inapporpriate behavior, since Keesha needs to learn not to bark in Tucker’s face, and learn proper play etiquette, Tucker needs to show her what isn’t acceptable (in a gentle way). Tucker is pretty possessive of his things, and of me. This was my fault of course. I didn’t do my best to socialize with him. I didn’t know many people with dogs, so he didn’t make many friends. My mother and I were also overwhelmed by his cuteness that we babied the hell out of him. We showed him affection for everything, whether he deserved it or not.
The other day I was teaching Keesha how to “lay down” and Tucker saw that I had a treat for Keesha – so he went to grab it, and so did Keesha and Tucker bit her face and wouldn’t let go. I screamed in horror and then started to cry (over emotional much?). For me this was traumatic. I’d never seen my dog be so vicious towards an animal before. I’ve seen him give warning bites, but this time he really wanted to hurt Keesha. Since then I’ve been trying to separate the two of them during play. I still walk them together, because they both walk really well with each other. I’m just lost for how to make Tucker realize that Keesha isn’t trying to hurt him, and that I will protect him from danger. I’ve been searching the web and am thinking about getting a private consult with a trainer – but I am really tight on funds right now. I’m hoping time and patience will help the situation. This is not something that can be fixed over night.
My boyfriend and I have also been watching a lot of Cesar Millan, and we are working towards dealing with smaller issues with the dogs as well, with lots of success. Using some of the techniques in Cesar’s show I am now able to clip Tucker’s nails with no issues, after having to fight with him to do it in the past. A lot of the techniques he uses are good to know, now that we have a puppy in the house. We can start Keesha off on the right track to success!
My dad’s side of the family is super close. My dad has two siblings – one brother and one sister. They are both married and have 3 kids. 5 of those 6 kids are married. 2 of those kids have 3 kids, the other 3 kids have 2 kids. I have one sister, who has a fiance. I have a big family. We are also a very close family. 5 of us live within walking distance of each other. We get together for every holiday, every occasion, and sometimes we get together just because. I’m the youngest of my cousins, and I used to love the attention I got. When I was really young everybody wanted to include me because I was the youngest, then as we all got older I was included less because I was still young. At family get togethers I wouldn’t understand what everybody was talking about. Then my cousins started getting married and having kids, so all the discussion was based on weddings and baby diapers. This has continued for some time now. It’s almost inevitable that I’m the one left out for the longest amount of time. I still love my family. They are so unbelievably supportive of me and everything I do. They will always be there for me. I am so grateful that I have such amazing examples of what life has to offer me. However – I don’t feel as family oriented anymore.
My mom’s side of the family is all over the map and barely speaks to each other. They aren’t mad at each other or anything, they just aren’t the family type. One of my mom’s sisters even lives in town and we never see her. My sister isn’t even inviting some of my mom’s family to the wedding (not to be a rude, that’s just how little we see them).
I feel a tug between which kind of family I want. I feel ashamed that I’m even writing that sentence. Having a close family is amazing, and I appreciate them and love them very much – but what’s so wrong with only seeing your family every once in awhile?
I think most of that happened when I moved away for school. I didn’t get to see my family all the time. I almost forgot what it was like. I didn’t have the choice to see them, I had to make my own way and make my own home away from home. It also became very apparent that my family wasn’t the norm. There are plenty of family’s that don’t see each other often and don’t even spend the holidays together. Regardless of how often I see my family I’m still going to drop everything if they need me. I’m still going to periodically reach out and make sure they know how much I care.
I’m curious about this now because in the next few years (hopefully) I’ll be starting my own family. I’ll be getting married, and having kids. What kind of family do I want to start? Do I want my kids to be on the same soccer team as their cousins? go to the same school as them? Have sunday dinner’s with the grandparents? Send school photos in gift cards to family members?
I’m not sure.
I feel like this is coming off the wrong way, but I don’t want it to. I will say again – I love my family. I appreciate them. I would do anything for them. But should I feel bad because I don’t want to include them so much, or start my own path that doesn’t always lead back to them?
Today has been such a long day. That’s probably because most of my work is done and I’ve just been looking through old documents and files at work and correcting them/organizing them/playing candy crush – hehehe! I needed to step out and grab myself a pick-me-up! 🙂
I love my job, I really do – but sometimes I miss being in a more interactive workplace. My last job was absolutely toxic, but at least I got to socialize most of the day. Now I sit in an office and stare at a computer screen the majority of the day. My office is in the back corner, so nobody walks by (unless they are on their way to the bathroom), and my office is the only one without a window. This makes me sad. There is a smaller boardroom that has a window, and I’m secretly hoping it will be transformed into my new office in the next year or so *fingers crossed*
I always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to have my own desk that I could put my own pictures on (I have a beta fish instead because I never take pictures), a filing cabinet, need to sign a bunch of documents and make important phone calls. I guess I’m just not used to it. I worked for three years at a financial institution and I didn’t have my own space or tasks that were assigned to me specifically. I just waited for people to come ask me for some of their money – FUN TIMES!
I need to be more organized. For someone that is obsessed with daily planners, post it notes, and such…I’m not very organized. I buy all this stuff, but then I don’t use them. I just created a TO DO LIST template on my computer and put it in a work binder I have, and I’m hoping I’ll start using it. I spend hours making a planner for myself, and I think I wrote three things in it and now I have no idea where it is, since I moved. FAIL! I want to be one of those organized people. I am not the definition of organized. If you could see my work desk right now you’d see papers all over the place. That’s how I live – in pure chaos. I can only imagine how much more successful I’d be, at pretty much everything, if I was just more organized. I’d probably be more committed to getting my work done and not procrastinating, getting my workouts done and eating healthier, being more successful with my PartyLite business, etc. I at least should give it a try, right?
I am beginning to get frustrated at the absurd amount of skinny love that is going around. Since when did everyone want to be so skinny? What happened to being healthy, and getting the right amount of vitamins and nutrients from your food, getting off your ass for an hour a day doing something you enjoy? I find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. I blame society and the media for this. I want to be healthy. I want to feel energized everyday. I don’t want my stomach to hate the things I eat because they are filled with preservatives. If that means I stay at the weight I’m at now, then that should be fine with me – but I am brainwashed. I see pictures of skinny girls everywhere I go. I walk into a store and have to rummage to the very back to find my size of pants. I feel shamed for this. There should be an obvious difference between being healthy and being skinny. I see people everyday who are “overweight”, eating healthy meals and walking instead of taking the stairs, drinking water instead of pop, turning down that piece of cake at work, etc. but people still deem them as “ugly” or “unhealthy” because they aren’t skinny. Some people just don’t want to eat celery for every meal and sweat like a freak of nature every night, but that doesn’t make them “unhealthy”. I exercised with a trainer for about a year. I lost 30 pounds and I felt awesome. I also wasn’t very social at the time. Then I moved in with a friend, started dating, and dancing the night away – I gained it all back. I hated myself for a long time, because I was shamed into thinking that because I wasn’t skinny anymore I wasn’t healthy, or I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t love my body the way it was because society didn’t love my body. I also know I wasn’t giving enough time to my health and fitness, which is why I gained all the weight back. I know if I still choose to eat a salad (which I do enjoy because you can make really delicious ones), or ran on the treadmill every few days, I still would have gained some of that weight back, but not all of it. I’m never going to be skinny, and I shouldn’t want to be. I should want to be healthy. I should love my body every single day of my life, no matter what it looks like. As long as I’m not filling it with garbage and neglecting it, that should be all I ask for. It takes a lot of time and a lot of energy to be one of those skinny girls. The requirements don’t fit everyone’s schedules or lifestyles. I have a job, a dog, a boyfriend, another job, hobbies, etc. I want to spend time doing all of these things. If that means I can’t spend 2 hours at the gym (15 minutes going there, 15 minutes getting ready, 45 minutes exercising, 15 minutes showering, 15 minutes getting ready, 15 minutes driving home), then why do I have to feel so bad about this? Why do I have such an urge to look the way society wants me to look? This is bullsh*t! I wish things weren’t so opposite. I wish when I logged onto Pintrest and I search under Health & Fitness that I’m not bombarded with images of tiny girls. I wish I didn’t have to leave the mall feeling upset because sizes are getting so much smaller, and nobody feels good about having to buy the next size up.
In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment”
I don’t know about you, but I’m one of those people that waits for a sign. I have no idea what that sign really is, but when it happens, I’ll just know. I’m like this when it comes to everything – relationships, work, health and fitness, spending money. My boyfriend actually finds it pretty amusing that when we go shopping, if I see something that I like and it’s the last one left I have to get it because it’s a sign. On one hand, it’s nice to believe in something. It’s nice to have imaged that if it was meant to be, it would be obvious, and something would point you in that direction. On the other hand – you’re left waiting when you should have just took a chance. If you want something, go after it. If you are waiting to make a decision until you see a sign, then this is it! Put your big girl pants on and GET IT DONE! Sometimes it’s hard to do things just because you want to. I have spent countless hours over analyzing things because I wanted to see something to give me permission to do something. Where did that whole idea come from anyways? Since when do we feel like we need permission for anything? I should do what I do because I want to, and of course because it wouldn’t harm anyone else directly (I’m not an ass). I hereby give myself permission to do what I want without a sign. No more guilt, no more shame, no more waiting.
It’s FRIDAY!!! Sweet success! I made it through another week. These weeks coming up are going to be cray-cray!
I’m a bit hung over at work today, not going to lie hehe. I had a Partylite Party at my house last night. Lots of my family showed up, so it was really great. It was my first official “party” since becoming a consultant in November. I had a book party in December, but that doesn’t really count as a “party”. It’s a lot more fun then I thought it would be. I guess you just need the right crowd though. I’m really glad I decided to become a Partylite Consultant. It’s slow going at first, especially since I have a full time job, but I know that if I put more effort into it I’ll get more out of it. It was really effortless to start, and I don’t know what I was so worried about. I guess I just had this fear that I would be risking something, which I wasn’t. It didn’t even cost me anything to start up! My unit leader is super amazing too. I think it’ll be nice to get more successful at it (once I find more candle lovers) and then I can make it a bigger part of my career! I know lots of people who say the products are expensive and blah blah – but in all honesty, they go on sale ALL THE TIME!!! They are also better quality, which is what people want.
Independent Sales jobs have really taken off lately. I feel like every other person I know is selling something independently, or working online. It’s so convenient to be able to stay at your house and earn money! I’m not sure if it’s become so popular because people need more money for the things that they need/want, or if people are just getting too lazy to work outside of their homes.
I can hear the pile of paperwork on my desk calling my name…only 4 more hours until the weekend officially begins for me!!!
Being an adult sucks sometimes.
Don’t get me wrong, I like working hard for what I have, and living on my own (I will be again soon anyways), and going grocery shopping, and work is awesome sometimes…but there are times when I just want to scream, and then go in the corner and play with Barbie’s.
There never seems to be enough money to go around. There’s money for rent, groceries, utilities, entertainment, gifts, medical expenses, donations, savings, etc … it never ends! It always seems to come at once too. My boyfriend and I found an apartment we want to rent, so we need to buy a couch, and a washer and dryer. I’m also in my sister’s wedding, so I need to pay for my bridesmaid dress. I got a new prescription for my glasses, so I need to buy those. Argh!
Don’t even get me started on the panic that starts to set in when you’re not married or planning on having kids soon. I was the type of teenager who planned my future (BIG mistake). I wanted to be married by the time I was 20(ish) and have babies by the time I was 25. Then I turned 22 and wasn’t close, so I changed it married by 25 and kids by 28. Now I’m 26 and starting to panic. I know people tell me all the time that I’m still young and I have my whole life ahead of me still, and I should travel and be worry free for as long as I can – but I’m one of those ladies that was meant to be a mom. I want kids. I want lots of kids. I want to be a mom. I feel like I had such amazing examples of what parents should be and now I want to be that. I spent so much time with my Nonna when I was younger and I saw how much she loved her kids and grandkids and I want that for myself. I don’t want to wait until I’m 35 to have kids and then only be able to have 1 or 2. I want the sky to be the limit. I want to fill my life with love.
I know, I know …. slow the hell down.
I’m starting to learn to have patience. I’m taking steps day by day to make sure I don’t rush things because if it wasn’t mean to be it’ll just backfire in my face anyways and that will be horrible. My boyfriend and I have talked about potentially being together “forever” and if we both wanted to get married and have children. We seem to be on the same page, but he likes to worry and doubt his feelings, whereas I just take a leap of faith. I can’t push him to do things he’s not ready for, but he can’t also expect me to wait forever, right? It’s just a hard debate.
All in good time ….
It’s really hard to type on an iPad while your laying down. Laziness FAIL.
I kind of miss when Sunday was a hangover day and I just got to stay in bed all day drinking Gatorade and dreaming of McDonald’s cheeseburgers. At least that way I was well rested for Monday morning. Now it just kind of hits me in the face. Being an adult sucks. Having actual stuff to do on Sunday is no fun at all.
Today went by pretty quickly actually. I had a busy morning with a press conference and a Board meeting. I’m also preparing for an event, so I have more than enough work on my plate. I’m such a procrastinator though. I work well under pressure. I’ve always been that way. I envy people that get there things done on time. I always say I don’t have enough “time” to get things done – like I don’t have enough time to read for pleasure, or I don’t have enough time to exercise, or I don’t have enough time to work on my writing. When do these excuses stop? I need to actively change these negative thoughts into positive ones. I need to make time and make what I really want a priority. It is true though that there aren’t enough hours in the day. I wish I didn’t have to sleep as much as I do. I’m one of the most exhausted people I’ve ever met. I just need a lot of sleep. Some people can function on 6 hours of sleep, or 7, but I need 10 hours to feel well rested. It’s probably because I don’t get enough vitamins. I used to think it was because I was lazy, but even when I was exercising 5 or 6 days a week I was still exhausted.
I need to start exercising more. It’s so difficult to make it a habit once you’ve stopped. It used to just be neither part of my day, like brushing my teeth, but now it feels more like going to the dentist. Ugh. I’ve started to hate cardio. I guess I’m just referring to the elliptical, rowing machine, or stair master type of cardio. It’s just so boring. Even if I have music, or something to entertain me, I’m just waiting for it to be over. I’m starting couch 2 5k soon. Intervals are more entertaining for me, so hopefully that works. Running was what I did last time when I lost a bunch of weight, so hopefully I’ll have the same success.
I just made about 15 typing errors on this stupid thing. I give up. Somebody get me a Microsoft surface.