Well, well, here I am – turning into one of those weight loss bloggers.
It has come to my attention that I am “over-weight”. Boo. This is all according to my scale of course. I on the other hand, think I look fantastic. I guess loosing some pounds wouldn’t be such a bad idea though.
I’m not too sure how it happened, but it’s as if I went to sleep and woke up 30 pounds heavier then what I want to be. I say want because I was at this “dream weight” a few years ago when I was exercising and eating healthy and I felt damn good about myself. I will also note that this want weight is 20 pounds heavier then my that would be AMAZINGGGG weight. I’m being realistic here people, and I know the weight my body feels good at and don’t think I would look appealing at all being any less than my want weight.
I’ve been working on returning to my healthy ways over the past month, with little success. I have been able to commit to a workout schedule though, which I am very excited about. My boyfriend and I started doing Focus T25. We both really enjoy it so far. I think I need to add more cardio to my workout schedule though. For me, it’s really difficult to loose weight. I really need to make my body as uncomfortable as possible for it to stay the weight that it is. What I mean by that is I can’t just do a little exercise and cut out pop and chips. I have to shack things up and sweat a lot, and eat lots of greens!!
This is going to be difficult, but it’s going to be worth it.
I might as well start off on the embarrassing note of my weigh in this morning. Ugh. This morning I weighed in at 175 pounds *sigh*
I am beginning to get frustrated at the absurd amount of skinny love that is going around. Since when did everyone want to be so skinny? What happened to being healthy, and getting the right amount of vitamins and nutrients from your food, getting off your ass for an hour a day doing something you enjoy? I find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. I blame society and the media for this. I want to be healthy. I want to feel energized everyday. I don’t want my stomach to hate the things I eat because they are filled with preservatives. If that means I stay at the weight I’m at now, then that should be fine with me – but I am brainwashed. I see pictures of skinny girls everywhere I go. I walk into a store and have to rummage to the very back to find my size of pants. I feel shamed for this. There should be an obvious difference between being healthy and being skinny. I see people everyday who are “overweight”, eating healthy meals and walking instead of taking the stairs, drinking water instead of pop, turning down that piece of cake at work, etc. but people still deem them as “ugly” or “unhealthy” because they aren’t skinny. Some people just don’t want to eat celery for every meal and sweat like a freak of nature every night, but that doesn’t make them “unhealthy”. I exercised with a trainer for about a year. I lost 30 pounds and I felt awesome. I also wasn’t very social at the time. Then I moved in with a friend, started dating, and dancing the night away – I gained it all back. I hated myself for a long time, because I was shamed into thinking that because I wasn’t skinny anymore I wasn’t healthy, or I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t love my body the way it was because society didn’t love my body. I also know I wasn’t giving enough time to my health and fitness, which is why I gained all the weight back. I know if I still choose to eat a salad (which I do enjoy because you can make really delicious ones), or ran on the treadmill every few days, I still would have gained some of that weight back, but not all of it. I’m never going to be skinny, and I shouldn’t want to be. I should want to be healthy. I should love my body every single day of my life, no matter what it looks like. As long as I’m not filling it with garbage and neglecting it, that should be all I ask for. It takes a lot of time and a lot of energy to be one of those skinny girls. The requirements don’t fit everyone’s schedules or lifestyles. I have a job, a dog, a boyfriend, another job, hobbies, etc. I want to spend time doing all of these things. If that means I can’t spend 2 hours at the gym (15 minutes going there, 15 minutes getting ready, 45 minutes exercising, 15 minutes showering, 15 minutes getting ready, 15 minutes driving home), then why do I have to feel so bad about this? Why do I have such an urge to look the way society wants me to look? This is bullsh*t! I wish things weren’t so opposite. I wish when I logged onto Pintrest and I search under Health & Fitness that I’m not bombarded with images of tiny girls. I wish I didn’t have to leave the mall feeling upset because sizes are getting so much smaller, and nobody feels good about having to buy the next size up.
In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment”